Award season is here! Love the fashion, hate the speeches. Maybe the slogan for an awards night should be—Show up. Shut up. And wear something breathtakingly beautiful!

I know. That sounds awful, but really. Most of us watch to see who’s wearing what. If it was just about who won the awards, we could read about it online the next day. Listening to blithering Hollywood types is so boring. At this past Sunday’s Golden Globes there was one gracious acceptance speech for every 10 bumbling ones. Grueling.

So back to the fashion. For the 69th Golden Globes held at the Beverly Hilton, here are my takes on Red Carpet statements and stumbles.

First of all, Helen Mirren, for the love of God, please have a chat with Meryl Streep about how to dress for awards shows. Dame Mirren never, ever misses. She was elegant and age appropriate as usual in Badgley Mishka. Ms. Streep, I don’t know which was worse, the speech or the gown (was it a gown?) It looked like a cowgirl’s version of formal night.

Evan Rachel Wood looked like The Thing From The Bottom Of The Sea in a Gucci sequined and feathered gown. This is what happens when mermaids hook up with peacocks. Not a favorite of mine.

To continue with the stumbles, let’s add Emily Watson whose Silly Putty colored gown was dull and washed out. As a matter of fact, most if not all of the blush looks for the red carpet did not do the actresses justice. Julie Bowen had the Grace Kelly look going on, but the blush color gown blended into her dewy skin so well that she looked more like an ethereal fairy than a star.

Emma Stone wore a ho hum chiffon gown that looked like Harley Davidson meets Lawrence Welk. And it was Lanvin! So disappointing. Michelle Williams in Jason Wu... what? So dowdy. So purple blue. So old for such a pretty young actress. Congratulations on the Best Actress Golden Globe and heartfelt acceptance speech acknowledging your daughter, but... Fire. Your. Stylist.

Tilda Swinton. Um, is it me, or does she always look weird? This came across as David Bowie dressed up like a mother of the bride.

Amanda Peet in Marc Jacobs was a huge miss. This reminded me of a Victorian lace tablecloth that had been cut and cobbled together to make a gown. Kind of like when Scarlett took the drapes down. For this gown, take a tier away and put it on a 14 year old.

There are so many more worsts—Ariel Winter, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Zooey Deshanel, Laura Dern (who wore what looked like a gown version of a metallic green sweater. Something Camilla would wear)—but let’s end with a Fashion Police “expert.” Kelly Osbourne. What were you thinking? First of all, the lilac rinsed hair reminds me of my grandmother. The blue dress reminds me of a fairy godmother. This was a strapless fishtail gown wannabe that drowned when they added sleeves Queen Elizabeth I would have been envious of.

An “almost made it” look was worn by Glee star Dianna Argon. In one of the evening’s popular color choices—red—this Gile Deacon gown was stunning from the waist up with a bodice of laser cut swans. But red laser cut swans down to the floor was just too much. A form fitting sheath with a bit of a train would have been ravishing.

Another almost, and don’t shoot me, but I just did not care for Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace. The gown fit her to perfection; it’s silhouette pure glamour. But the red fold at the top of the bodice, the red clutch and those big red lips were so harsh, and I feel they ruined the look. It took on a cartoon feel.

So who did I like? Here are my top five choices:

5. Madonna in Reem Acra. What a delight to see Madonna in something so sophisticated and not in-your-face garish. Reminds me, I have to start doing bicep curls.

4. Jane Fonda in Jack Guisso. OMG. Fabulous. She is rocking her 70s like nobody’s business. Loved it.

3. Lea Michele in Marchesa. While she may have been channeling Cher, this gown was drop dead gorgeous and Lea worked it to the max. This chic can pose!

2. Sophie Vergara in Vera Wang. I don’t watch Modern Family. I don’t know much about Sophie Vergara except when I see her on the Red Carpet or commercials, but wow. This was perfection. The tucked pin pleating that hugged her figure from the bodice down to her hips, then blossomed into layers of sapphire blue silk was a show stopper. Simply stunning. The $5 million in Harry Winston jewels added a nice touch too.

1. Charlize Theron in Dior. What can I say? Charlize is always a mesmerizing beauty who commands your attention. This gown was graceful, luscious, enchanting—even as it plunged down to there and was slit up to here. It was one of the few pale pink shades that worked. And she accessorized it so tastefully with a beaded clutch, small earring and jeweled headband. My number one choice for the evening. As for trends, these were among those that stood out:

Style: Strapless, fitted, fish tail gowns Colors: Reds, Blues, Blush (beware this color), Yellows, Black & White Accessories: Jeweled clutches, jeweled cuffs Hair: Lots of it. Long and loose, wavy and retro. In ponytails or pushed back with headbands, hair was as glam as the gowns.

So, thank you to all the fashion designers who entertained us so lavishly for this year’s Golden Globes! Without you these shows would be a big yawn.

Now, it’s on to the SAG awards, the Academy Awards and whatever other awards can be awarded to the elite of the film, television and music industries. We’ll be watching, but all we really want to know is... who are you wearing?

Cathy Ann Sauer is a buyer for Nina Raynor in Delray Beach and fashion contributor to Boca Raton magazine and our sister publication, Salt Lakemagazine.