What happened to all the good kissers out there? The last two guys I dated both rammed their tongues so far down my throat that I nearly suffocated. Have you ever told a guy that he stinks when it comes to making out? -Terri
Terri, fortunately, I’ve always made out (for the most part) with really good kissers. That was, until recently when I experienced what could only be describe as someone trying to run a tongue bulldozer through my mouth. It came close to being the worst 30 seconds of my life. I was grateful my tonsils were intact after that episode. Of course I never went out with him again. He had potential, but if you’re a crappy kisser, chances are you will be a crappy…dancer. Like most women, it is very difficult for me to get past a bad kiss. Intellectually, we know the rest of the package is not going to jive with our rhythm. Who wants that?
But if you are willing to give the Tongue General another shot, you can do one of the following: Resign yourself to the fact that you will need an oxygen mask after every make out session, or you can talk to him about it. My vote is for the latter.
So how do you bring up something that will definitely be a huge ego crusher for him? If it were me, I’d don sock puppets and try to be funny about the whole thing. (But then again, my humor is on a 4th grade level.) The mature way to handle it is to be gentle with your delivery. Never approach the topic with something sounding like, “Your kissing is so bad I’d rather suck face with the homeless guy on the corner!”
Instead, mention what you enjoy when kissing- gently putting a hand on your face, slowly kissing you on your forehead, nose, neck first…you get the idea. While describing what you do like, lower your voice and take a very sexy tone. Any guy that is not completely clueless will understand you are giving him a road map right to your sweet spot.
It says on your bio that you’re a single mom. So am I. I’m having a hard time [reading the men that I date] when it comes to that news. What signs are you looking for in a guy as you talk about your child? – Lauren
Lauren, my respect goes out to you for putting your child first as it relates to dating and relationships. I have a saying: “Love me, love my child.” If someone can’t do that, then they aren’t the right one for me.
That being said, we are proud mothers, right? We could go on for hours talking about how amazing our offspring are. However, even the most compassionate man can only tolerate a few minutes of hearing us recount every award little Sammy won at school this year. It’s best to keep the initial conversations limited on this topic of our children.
But you should always bring up that fact you are a mother the first time you meet someone. If this person is not in the market for a woman with children, you want to know now.
Also, gauge the interest level. For example, my son is an athlete and plays several sports. I’d venture to say every man in existence can relate to sports in one way or another. If I bring us my son’s athletic pursuits and I don’t even get a follow up question, it puts me on alert that this particular man may not have any interest in the package deal.
The good news is, there is someone out there who will fall madly in love with you and your children. Don’t settle for anything less.
I’m reading the blog on your website about ‘the calamity” of your recent dates. What the hell are these guys doing? I never want to make their mistakes. Please enlighten us! –Super Bad
Super Bad, want to know what the biggest mistake divorced men and women are making when dating again? Dating before being emotionally ready. I was guilty of it too.
If you can’t get through a conversation without saying your ex-spouses name more than five times, you are not mentally prepared to have a healthy relationship with another person.
As far as my own personal experiences go, I try not to kiss and tell. Ok, maybe just a little bit…Let’s just say there are some angry men out there. As in, if I were the ex-wife, I’d start looking into the witness protection program! Divorce can be an acrimonious event. Everyone needs to vent frustrations, but when I am upset with my ex, I phone a friend and unload. Your date doesn’t need to hear it.
Personal grooming is another important factor on a date. First impressions in the beginning of a relationship are critical. I love my favorite worn out sweatpants but I would never let a man I’m interested in see me wearing them until I’ve won him over with a dress and heels first. A clean shirt? Maybe a little cologne? It doesn’t have to be much, but we need to see some effort!
About Angela Lutin
Angela Lutin has won the adoration and loyalty of her riders at Flywheel Sports in Boca, where she has emerged as the most sought-after indoor cycling instructor in South Florida. In her spare time, the divorced single mom has launched a popular dating blog—essentiallyangela.com—on which she dispenses musings on life, navigating the singles scene and much more. Angela will answer your dating questions every Thursday at bocamag.com on her “The Naked Truth” blog, which she is doing exclusively for Boca Raton magazine. “A chef is the expert on food, a stylist knows the right clothes,” she says. “And me? I'm the one you come to for questions about love, sex, and relationships. I’m certainly experimenting to find the right formula every day.”