I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic (also dashing, funny, and modest) and currently hooked on this one girl who lives kind of far away.  I think we’d be a good fit and I’m pretty sure I’ve made my feelings on the matter quite clear, but she hasn’t really reciprocated nor rejected me either way, just friendly and flirty banter.  I have a feeling proximity’s the problem.  I’m game, and it’s not as if we live across an ocean.  Worth pursuing? -Mack

Mack,

Get behind the wheel of your car, a plane, dogsled, hot air balloon, space shuttle- whatever it is that will take you to her door.  You will never know if there’s something to pursue until you spend time face to face. Chemistry is a possibility through text, email, and phone calls, but it takes looking into one another’s eyes to know if sexual pheromones are flowing.  You’ll figure out the distance if you two are meant for each other.  I’m usually not a romantic, but I’m hoping this one works out.  And as a fall back, have an idea of fun things to do in her town solo just in case she’s not all you had thought she would be.  You are dashing, funny, and modest…we know she will fall for you! Keep me posted on the outcome.  

P.S. Don’t wait. Do it now.

I’ve been dumped twice [via] text messaging.  Is it just me, or are those guys major douchebags for not having the decency to at least call or tell me in person.? Have you ever been “text dumped?” It sucks. -“I hate Todd”

Dear “I Hate Todd” Too,

Todd sucks.  And he’s not a real man.  A man tells you to your face if he’s not into you, particularly if you had a relationship for some time.

I did have this happen to me recently, but it was a slightly different situation.  We had a great first date, and plans were made for a second.  Two days before the date he emailed me saying he had reconsidered and as awesome as I was, he could not date a woman who blogged about dating, sex, and occasionally, vaginas.  It was just too “out there” for him.  (The three times I’ve been dumped, they all called me “awesome” during the kiss off. I’ve become very leery of that compliment!) I completely understood, and thanked him for sparing me a second date if he wasn’t into me.  In that case, he didn’t owe me a personal send off.  

Sometimes, it’s hard to know if I guy will turn out to be a real jerk.  But most often, it is as plain as the nose on our pretty little faces.  We just don’t want to see it.  You know who usually does see it though? Your friends.  I have one outspoken girlfriend that gets it right every time. You probably have that friend too. You must be ready for honesty about any guy in your life if you ask her opinion.

Now it’s time to get back on your horse and ride back into the dating rodeo.  No one will find if you camp out on the couch in sweatpants watching Lifetime marathons. There are plenty of decent men out there who would never consider dumping a woman via text, especially one as “awesome” as you!

It’s been 20 years since I last dated (can you tell I’m recently divorced?) Back in the day, I’d wait at least 5 dates before having sex with someone I liked.  Now, I’m too impatient to be a prude- but I also don’t want to come off like a tramp. So what’s the golden rule? -Ready and Willing in Wellington

Ready and Willing, Dating again after divorce is like navigating a foreign country with a guidebook that’s not written in English. It’s crazy, right?  I remember not knowing what to do initially when I went back on the market.  The last time I had been single I was 22 years old, there was no such thing as text messaging, and I certainly didn’t need to schedule dates around my babysitter’s availability!  But dating is just like riding a bike.  Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been off the bike, you will remember how to ride it. (In more ways than one…)

I encourage delaying sex until you really get to know someone. In the first three dates, you can read your chemistry with someone, but all the rest is just speculation. Thoughts on their character, patterns, and personality are superficial reads.

You don’t have to want to marry the guy to have sex with him, but you do need to like him.  And he needs to like you.  How do you know if he likes you? Effort. He’s either making it, or he isn’t.  You know the difference. A relationship is like a shark- it either moves forward or it dies. If the relationship is not moving forward in other areas, sex will not help it.

The best advice I can give you on this is to have sex for the right reasons, which are strictly your own.  I personally have discovered I am not a casual sex girl.  It just doesn’t work for me. I’d rather find the right physical and emotional relationship with one person.  But, I have many single girlfriends that do who they want, when they want, and how they want…all with no regrets.  In both situations, we are doing what is right for each of us.

You’ll sort out your rhythm soon. There are no rules except the ones that you make for yourself.


About Angela Lutin

Angela Lutin has won the adoration and loyalty of her riders at Flywheel Sports in Boca, where she has emerged as the most sought-after indoor cycling instructor in South Florida. In her spare time, the divorced single mom has launched a popular dating blog—essentiallyangela.com—on which she dispenses musings on life, navigating the singles scene and much more. Angela will answer your dating questions every Thursday at bocamag.com on her “The Naked Truth” blog, which she is doing exclusively for Boca Raton magazine. “A chef is the expert on food, a stylist knows the right clothes,” she says. “And me? I'm the one you come to for questions about love, sex, and relationships. I’m certainly experimenting to find the right formula every day.”