While walking my dog along the beach in Delray, my ex-boyfriend (from three years ago) passed me while jogging with a friend. I hid behind my oversized glasses and pretended to pick up after my dog, but I could tell he recognized me. This was on Monday and now I can’t stop thinking about him. What should I have done? Should I have waved him down and said hello? Would it be weird to give him a call now? —Rachel
Rachel, women should never chase, particularly an ex. It’s natural to think about him, even obsessively, but it will go away. You did the right thing by pretending not to notice him. Give your feelings another week to settle down. If you do run into him again, just be light, happy, and casual. Never let them see you sweat.
Hi Angela, I have been living on cloud nine for the past six weeks thanks to a handsome New York visitor. Our time together has been blissful, sexy, and fun, but now it’s coming to a close. He leaves next week. My head is telling me it’s just a fling and to pull myself together, but my heart aches. I want more. Should I have the talk about long distance? —Snowbirds Suck
OK, now I’m going to tell you to pull yourself together too.
Of course your heart aches! You’ve been having amazing sex, crazy amounts of fun, and basically living a fantasy. Now it’s back to reality for you, but the problem is that your body and mind have essentially bonded to this man. Honestly ask yourself the tough questions: Was his behavior indicative of a fling? Has he mentioned seeing you in any capacity after he leaves? If the answers tell you that he was just looking for a temporary good time, be prepared to go through the painful process of weaning yourself off this love high. That’s the part that sucks. You’ll have to go through some major obligatory duty-dating this summer to keep yourself occupied rather than sitting home pining away.
Do not start a discussion about long-distance dating. He will need to be the one to broach that topic. Long-distance relationships are hard to maintain and ultimately could be even more painful that getting over a fling.
Angela, I’m in love with my boyfriend of eight months, but we’ve yet to say those big words. I’ve always been the first to say those three precious words. Should I wait for the guy this time or do I just tell him how I feel? —Tight-lipped
Remain tight-lipped. In fact, I give kudos to you for not saying anything yet. Like you, I’ve blurted out “I love you” first more often than not. But what I’ve learned is men need to come to the conclusion they are in love with us and want to express it rather than just saying so out of reciprocity. This is VERY important in the structure and longevity of the partnership. Show him you love him through your actions and unspoken words. If your man has not told you he loves you by the end of year one, chances are it’s time to rethink the relationship.
Have a question for our dating guru? Share your dating woes with Angela at firstname.lastname@example.org.
About Angela Lutin
Angela Lutin has won the adoration and loyalty of her riders at Flywheel Sports in Boca, where she has emerged as the most sought-after indoor cycling instructor in South Florida. In her spare time, the divorced single mom has launched a popular dating blog—essentiallyangela.com—on which she dispenses musings on life, navigating the singles scene and much more. Angela will answer your dating questions every Thursday at bocamag.com on her “The Naked Truth” blog, which she is doing exclusively for Boca Raton magazine.