My boyfriend of a year has been asking me to send him scandalous photos of myself when he is away on business trips, and the way he asks makes it terribly tempting. I’m in my late 20s, I have a successful career (not a teacher, mind you), but I’m hesitant to send him a sext. I’m worried that the photo could end up being viewed by other eyes. What’s your opinion on sending really, really flirty text messages? —Jackie
Jackie: I’m all for keeping things exciting via text messages, but when it involves visual aids along with “flirting,” I think you should proceed with caution. I hope you and your guy stay together forever, but if you don’t, his friends, the bartender, and maybe even the cab driver will see those photos. It’s a guy thing. There’s not a single guy I know that doesn’t keep a collection. Nude photos are like trading cards for men. They like to compare home run hitters.
Make a compromise and Face Time or Skype with him when he’s lonely and on the road. It’s sexier than a one-dimensional picture anyway.
P.S. If for some reason you cave and send photos, never, never show your face!
I am 25 years old and still living with my parents. Damn economy. I want out of the nest, and finally my boyfriend of two years asked me to move in with him. I’m already crashing at his place four nights a week. I am over the moon, but my mother is not. She is spouting all this advice that couples are likely to break up/divorce post-living together. Is she old school or right, in your opinion? —Gillian
Mothers usually know best and although recent data is now showing that co-habitation prior to marriage does not affect divorce rates, she is on to something.
What you have described is “sliding” into a living arrangement. Anything probably seems better than living with your parents, and the rationalization is you stay at your guy’s place most of the time anyway so why not live there. But what didn’t happen is an independent decision that as partners you are ready. Logically it just seems reasonable and the next step. Hence, you are sliding into the situation rather than actively deciding to be in it.
Women usually view moving in together as a step toward marriage while men tend to view it as a way to postpone the next step. If you assume engagement, marriage, and baby carriages will be on the immediate horizon, the chances of that are unlikely. But if you enter the situation with eyes wide open to the fact that living together is the next chapter, not the entire book, you will be much more satisfied and not crying to your friends in three years about why he hasn’t popped the question.
In my opinion, cohabitation before marriage for most 20-somethings is a solid decision. Getting to know someone before you make the commitment to marriage goes a long way toward ensuring you end up with the right person long term.
Angela, my gaydar is way off. Way off. In the five semi-serious relationships I’ve had (ranging from eight months to two-plus years), THREE of the men admitted afterward to being confused about their sexuality. It’s not just an excuse either. One of my ex-boyfriends is in an open relationship with another man, just two years after me. I’m not meeting these men at bars. Of the three, I met one in college, another at the library, and the most recent was a set up by a mutual friends. What the hell? —Crushed
OK, so we both can admit that you certainly are running slightly higher than most in the whole “turning them gay” category, but we all have our above average rankings. Take me, for example. I’ve sent so many guys running back to their exes that I’ve seriously considered starting a service where I’ll date an ex for those women looking to get their man back.
I don’t think you should put too much emphasis on this trend in your dating past or you’ll find yourself only dating macho Hell’s Angels types to ensure you don’t repeat history. Over 30 percent of men have had a same-sex encounter. Of that number, only a small percentage has never been with a female. Many men that are confused about their sexuality have relationships with women prior to realizing that they are indeed gay. So the good news is that you aren’t the only one out there who has dated a man that later became gay.
Keep in mind, while in a relationship with you, these men were heterosexual. Therefore, your “gaydar” is working just fine.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin
On her popular blog, www.essentiallyangela.com, divorced single mom Angela Lutin dispenses musings on life, raising a teen, navigating the single scene, and tips to stay sexy regardless of your age or relationship status. A social media addict, she recently launched her new weekly Twitter conversation @essentiallyang—aptly titled #sexychat—that answers dating, sex-related topics and anything in between.
Angela’s "Naked Truth" dating advice column appears weekly on Bocamag.com and also exclusively in Boca Raton magazine.