Over Thanksgiving break I traveled back to my hometown and ended up running into my ex out on the town. We hooked up, thanks to a lot of alcohol and unresolved insecurities on my end. I have a beau here at home and I am having a panic attack about whether I should tell him or not tell him. Is ignorance bliss? If I did it once, it doesn’t mean I’ll do it again, right? --Wrong
Wrong, you keep mum on the deed. Not for your sake, but for your unsuspecting boyfriend. (Unless you had unsafe sex. In that case you MUST inform him.)
You’re not destined to cheat again. Look, we learn from our mistakes and it sounds to me as if you are truly remorseful about the whole thing.
Hometown visits, ex-boyfriends, and fond memories of years past create the nostalgic perfect storm for a do-over hookup with an old flame. I’d file this one under an extenuating circumstances cheat and recommit yourself to your relationship.
Angela, what are some good zingers for when snotty family members keep asking over the holidays if and when I’ll have a boyfriend. --Lisa R.
Here are three good ones:
• Actually never. I’m a lesbian, didn’t you hear?
• Well, I’m sleeping with five right now that are vying for the title. When I pick the winner I’ll let you know.
• I’m not currently seeing anyone special.
**Number 3 is actually my personal go to answer. It’s vague and mysterious, leaving people to come to their own conclusions. Of course, the look on faces if you use one of the first two will be more entertaining than Cousin Rudy’s dancing after three cups of the adult eggnog.
I have issues with other women. I’ll openly admit it. I am that jealous girlfriend who is always worried about the girl standing next to my guy, even if he’s a really good one. I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember, and exhausted by my own worrying. What do I do to stop this madness? I’m old enough to openly know this is my issue and not my guy’s. God bless him. --Green
Green, I’m not the jealous type, but I’ve dating guys that are. If I so much a raised an eyebrow at another man, I was interrogated for hours on what I found so attractive about another. I shudder recalling it. It’s not a pretty quality to embody, but you’ve owned up to it, and I give you credit for that.
There are two distinct causes for jealous behavior: insecurity or infidelity.
Jealousy is an emotional response to a threat. So I have to ask, why or what is causing this threatened reaction you in your relationships? My guess is insecurity- about the relationship, fidelity, if you’re worthy of this man…
We live in the social media age where cheating is as easy as posting an anonymous ad on Craig’s list or a Facebook affair with a former high school flame. If someone wants to be unfaithful, the outlets are certainly readily available. Your jealously won’t contain it.
A change in perspective is the only way to overcome this behavior. Your guy is yours for a reason. If he wanted the girl next to him at the bar, or the one that tweeted him, or liked his Instagram photo, he would be with her. But he’s not. He’s with you, and the way to keep him is to be secure in who you are and your worth. Gain self-confidence and you lose the jealousy.
Jealously is a perfume that no one wants to wear. It reeks.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin
On her popular blog, www.essentiallyangela.com, divorced single mom Angela Lutin dispenses musings on life, raising a teen, navigating the single scene, and tips to stay sexy regardless of your age or relationship status. A social media addict, she recently launched her new weekly Twitter conversation @essentiallyang—aptly titled #sexychat—that answers dating, sex-related topics and anything in between. Angela’s "Naked Truth" dating advice column appears weekly on Bocamag.com and also exclusively in Boca Raton magazine. Follow Angela on Facebook, http://www.facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, https://twitter.com/essentiallyang.