Angela, I felt something wasn’t quite right in my relationship of a year, and gave in to my terrible old habit and went through my boyfriend’s phone for the first time. I found a lot of bad news and we are trying to talk through it. But here’s the weird part, I told my close girlfriends about the ordeal and all of them rolled their eyes. They say they go through their boyfriend’s phones on a weekly…sometimes daily basis! As upset as I am with my findings, I still feel guilty that I stooped that low and broke his trust. (Mine is broken.) Should I? Is creeping your significant other now just a part of daily life? --Heartbroken
Heartbroken, snooping is only a part of daily life in relationships that are filled with secrets and lies. It’s appalling to me that your girlfriends see this behavior as a normal part of a relationship. I would dare to guess they are doomed for failure or sleeping on a bed of lies, and let me tell you that will certainly make for restless nights.
Intuition does not fail us. When we feel a disconnect or something off in the relationship, chances are it is. No matter what is going on, however, I do not condone snooping.
If a situation gets to the point where you need to invade your partner’s privacy, your relationship is already in danger. I caution anyone to be so intent as to want every detail on anyone else’s life, especially the person you love. Once you open Pandora’s Box, the contents will never fit back inside.
I’m not saying you suffer on naively either. Address any concerns at the time you feel weird. We all know that “weird” feeling. It’s that moment when, out of the blue, you feel a little unsure of the relationship. Something might be off kilter or his behavior just doesn’t add up.
Solid, long-lasting relationships are built on a mountain of trust. It’s going to take work to repair yours. Recommit to, whether in this relationship or any other, remain honorable and respectful of your partner. That includes his privacy. Good luck.
Angela, sorry but I need to clarify from my old question. My very hairy boyfriend trims his abs and stomach and face and back, but it’s the land “down there” that needs the razor set on a different setting. --Nair Cares
I find it immensely interesting that Bigfoot shaves everything but the exact area of his body that will get him laid more often. That, Nair Care, is strange.
But I have a plan for you. Pick one of the follow to have your man as hairless as Ryan Lochte in no time:
• Make an announcement that you will be going au naturale for the next six months because you thought it would be cute for your neither regions to match.
• Book a couple’s Brazilian wax.
• Casually mention in conversation that you read an article that stated shaving the pubic area made a man’s penis appear 15% larger.
• All of the above.
In an honest and trusting relationship, partners should be able to talk about anything. There is nothing disrespectful about giving your man a little nudge to pay more attention to his grooming habits. When he responds accordingly, you need to make sure he’s rewarded. VERY well…and don’t forget to mention how much larger his penis appears.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin:
Angela Lutin is Essentially Angela. Blogger, Advice Columnist and Dating Guru for the social media age—decoding modern love one tweet, text, and like at a time. Angela’s weekly dating advice column, The Naked Truth, appears exclusively in Boca Raton Magazine. Her work appears regularly on the Huffington Post, and she has been a guest contributor to Shape Magazine, GalTime.com, Think Magazine, Blindfold Magazine, and more. She can been seen on MTV’s Made and Bravo’s hit show, Millionaire Matchmaker in early 2013. Crafting personal dating makeovers for her clients, Angela also maintains a private practice, which turns the romantically challenged into the relationship-inclined. Follow Angela on Facebook, facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, @essentiallyang.