“Abuse” is a term we often hear as it relates to physical violence. Recently, as graphically shown on TV, NFL player Ray Rice punched his fiancée in the face and dragged her out of the elevator by her feet. That kind of abuse is plain to see. Other kinds of abuse, however, aren’t as obvious to the naked eye. As I’ve seen time and again in my practice, victims of verbal and emotional abuse carry their own brand of scars.
Less discussed, but equally debilitating, is the pain and fear caused by financial abuse. And yet it happens more than people realize, especially in affluent areas like Boca Raton.
One beautiful woman I worked with wanted to leave her husband. But even though he was cheating on her and being cruel, she was hesitant. Why? Because he held all the financial cards—literally. Whenever they argued, he would cut off her credit card access—and then hold that over her head, only reinstating the card when he felt she had “learned her lesson.” To her friends, she lived a high-end lifestyle, but rarely did she even have cash to tip a valet. Her concept of financial stability depended on whether her credit cards were approved or declined.
The irony is that, in some cases, those being financially abused do not see the warning signs. Consider the following:
• Is your partner unwilling to share details regarding your finances?
• Do you actually sign a tax return or does your name magically appear on the form?
• Do you know how to access funds if your spouse becomes disabled or dies?
• Do you have any control over financial decisions?
If you answered no to most of these questions, then you may be in a financially abusive relationship. It’s imperative that you recognize the unhealthy nature of your relationship and seek help. Couples counseling is the only way to correct the imbalance and learn skills to communicate and trust each other again.
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About the Author
Boca-based therapist Suzanne Wachtel helps couples, families and individuals cope with the stressful obstacles that complicate life. She specializes in giving people the tools to clear those hurdles and successfully move forward. Watchtel has a master’s degree in social work from Adelphi University. She’s also the author of Like Mother, Like Son: A Mom’s Guide to Raising Healthy Children. To find out more about Watchel, visit boca-therapy.com
