Has the fizzle gone flat in your marriage? Have you lost that chemistry and excitement? Has your sex life stopped? Do you now live like roommates? These are important questions to ask if the “sexy” has left your relationship.
This problem is more common among married couples than people realize; if not addressed, it can destroy a marriage. I have worked with countless couples that, while they still love one another, never express it physically.
Here’s what I suggest: Ladies, have an affair—with your husband. Men? Do the same—with your wife.
One couple I had been working with had been married for 20 years, but they stopped having sex when their children were small. They loved each other, but they also felt lonely. They had no intention of getting divorced or cheating, so they came to me to “fix” their problem.
Here’s how the process unfolded:
• I asked them to put away all computers and phones. And no social media.
• They created time in their busy schedules to spend alone, one on one.
• They started slowly and re-learned how to express simple affection.
• Each week, they designated one evening as “date night” and found a new place around town to explore.
• I asked them to compliment one another each day.
Both partners were willing, and gradually they began to learn about the other person all over again. They went on interesting dates, they hugged daily, they listened to one another. In time, they began to explore each other physically—it was almost like working with two virgins.
Eventually, I had them check into a hotel and bring an open mind. They lit candles. They danced to the music they brought with them. The couple was so excited to have this “affair” that they fell in love all over again. Their family stayed intact, and they became more fulfilled than they could have possibly imagined.
As they left my office, hand in hand at the end of our work, they said, “Everybody should have an affair with their spouse.”
About the Author
Boca-based therapist Suzanne Wachtel helps couples, families and individuals cope with the stressful obstacles that complicate life. She specializes in giving people the tools to clear those hurdles and successfully move forward. Watchtel has a master’s degree in social work from Adelphi University. She’s also the author of Like Mother, Like Son: A Mom’s Guide to Raising Healthy Children. To find out more about Watchel, visit boca-therapy.com.
