Angela, my mother tells me that I “mother” my boyfriends. She’s been saying it for years (and not always kindly) but I can’t really figure out what she means or why it’s a negative. I’m a kind, considerate lover. I don’t want to be their mom! –Bothered
Dear Bothered,
I’d tell your Mom to mind her own business. I’ve never heard a man complain about being well cared for. One of the commonly cited reasons men give for cheating is that they felt neglected at home. Granted that doesn’t mean you are affair-proofing your relationship if you treat him like a king. There’s plenty guys that will cheat regardless, but you’re certainly going further to keep him satisfied if you are as kind and considerate as you say you are.
Let’s get back to Mom for a second. We’ve established she should stay out of your love life, but perhaps she’s seeing something in your behavior that you are ignoring. There’s a big difference between taking care of your man, and smothering him like he’s a child. Look at your patterns. Are you accommodating or bossy? Do you scold him and constantly need to know his whereabouts or do you pick up his dry cleaning and surprise him with his favorite meal? Reflect on your past relationships. Mom may be onto something.
Men want to be treated well, women have an innate sense to nurture. But men don’t want to sleep with their mothers. Adore him but do it in a manner that reflects the grown man he is.
Angela, love your advice! Mother’s Day is coming up and I want to get my mom a man! No, not like a hired dancer, but my father passed away a few years ago and I’d love to see her start dating again. I joke that I’m going to make her a profile on Match.com, but she waves the idea off. She is not old and is beautiful and deserves to be taken care of by someone new. I just think she could love again (or at least have a great time) with someone else. Please tell me what to do! –The Apple
Dear Apple,
Thank you for reading. Now since you do enjoy my advice, I’m hoping you’ll take it to heart when it comes to your Mother. Give Mom a break from the dating talk. I know you want to see her start dating, but she may not be ready yet. Everyone mourns and heals on their own time table. I’m hoping that Mom has an active and full life, and that may be enough for her right now. Or, she could be keeping company with someone she enjoys and just doesn’t want to share that with you yet. Either way, it’s Mom’s life and you have to step back and let her live it on her terms. You’ve been kind enough to offer your assistance. When it’s time, she will come to you.
Do you have a question for Angela? E-mail NakedTruth@bocamag.com!
About Angela Lutin:
Angela Lutin is Essentially Angela. Blogger, Advice Columnist and Dating Guru for the social media age—decoding modern love one tweet, text, and like at a time. Angela’s weekly dating advice column, The Naked Truth, appears exclusively in Boca Raton magazine. Her work appears regularly on the Huffington Post. She can been seen on MTV’s “Made” and Bravo’s hit show, “Millionaire Matchmaker.” Crafting personal dating makeovers for her clients, Angela also maintains a private practice, which turns the romantically challenged into the relationship-inclined. Follow Angela on Facebook,facebook.com/EssentiallyAngela or Twitter, @essentiallyang.
