Angela, my best girlfriend called me late last night and hysterically told me that she’s been cheating on her husband for the past year. I didn’t say much in my groggy, stunned state and the morning didn’t grace me with any added advice.
I love her husband and I’m so disappointed in her decisions. Plus, I feel rather strange that she didn’t confide her worries in me a year ago. I would have had plenty of advice then.
Your best friend can still be wrong. What do you do when the ones you love disappoint you? And how do I help? -Erin
Erin, disappointment is a tough emotion to handle when we feel it, but you have to move past it be there for your friend. That doesn’t mean you condone her choices, but you don’t abandon. Don’t take it personally that she did not divulge this sooner. Now the facts are yours to acknowledge. How you help is by telling her, honestly, your thoughts on her actions. Don’t use judgement, just verbalize your feelings on the situation, and that’s it. You have to step back and let her guide her own decisions after that. Expressing how you feel about her infidelity is your only right. She is in control on the outcome. Make sure you are there for her, no matter what that outcome may be.
Being a good friend, in good times and trying times, is one of the most valuable qualities we can possess.
Hi Angela! I have a question for you. My boyfriend just accepted a fantastic position with his company but it’s across the country. We’ve been dating a year (13 months) and I love him. We are doing long distance and I am confident I can handle it, for him. My girlish concern is how will this affect us long term? I know it’s a little early to be considering marriage, but should I bring it up? Will it come up naturally? So many questions, thank you for your wisdom in advanced! –L.Distance Lover
Dear LDL,
I say you take this one step at a time. Get comfortable in the new situation before you start thinking of the future. Long distance relationships are more intense and will move fast. You’ll have intense periods of togetherness followed by spans of time alone. In that time alone, typically one or both decide if the relationship should evolve, and that could mean marriage…but I don’t suggest you broach that topic now. Your boyfriend has quite a bit to digest at the moment. His girlfriend having “the talk” with him about marriage will only add to the pressure he certainly is feeling, and I can assure you, will not give you the outcome you desire.
At the same time, I don’t think you should be the lady in waiting forever. Give yourself a time frame- something between 3 and 6 months. At that point, evaluate what the relationship looks like now that it has moved into a LDR stage. If you feel marriage is a possibility, then you can begin a conversation with your boyfriend regarding the next phase. But for now, put your big girl panties on and just be supportive without worrying what the future holds. That will count for more than you know.
